One Month into Sleep Training...

        If only babies were born with the instinct to fall asleep on their own. Why, God? My husband just tells me it's because we live in a fallen world... guess that's a point. Sleep training has been the most stressful event I have gone through as a mother so far. It has been just over a month since we started. Spoiler alert: it took a lot of effort, but he is doing really good and I am so proud of the improvement he has had. Now looking back at it, I (maybe) should have waited until his fifth month. I realize now that there's much growth in a baby's fourth month sleep regression is pretty common. So that just makes me all the more proud of my Cedric.

      I have done most of my research through two highly rated books and then scoured through mommy blogs as well. I wanted to grasp different aspects of sleep training and then combine to create a new method to apply to my dear unique Cedric. The books' takeaways are pretty much complete opposites, which makes me see how unique each baby can be, if different parents can give five star ratings to both. The two books I read were, No Cry Sleep Solution, by Elizabeth Pantley, and Healthy Habits, Happy Baby, by Marc Weissbluth, M.D. I really love how it says in the Healthy Habit, Happy Baby book, "Each baby is unique. They're like little snowflakes." I totally agree. That is why I have read BOTH these books and have come to a middle ground on how to approach Cedric's sleep training.
 
      In Pantley's book, she talks about how over a long period of time, if you put the baby down drowsy and pick up and comfort your baby briefly at every single cry, he will eventually learn to fall asleep on his own. You need to have a very regular routine, and you have to stick to this rigid routine for a few weeks up to a few months. This way, you are soothingly teaching your baby to sleep on their own but they never have to cry it out or feel distraught. I really love this idea, but knowing that I would have to endure more months of little sleep and a strict routine when the holidays are around the corner, I just got frustrated and nervous. I knew this wasn't possible with holiday parties and what not, so I was discouraged.
 
      But then my friend Jenna sent me Dr. Weissbluth's book. He intently goes over all aspects of sleep and discusses the need for long naps and a huge block of sleep at night to make a happy, calm, loving child. You need to have complete 'extinction' of the night wakings by soothing your baby to a calm state, and laying him down to sleep, BUT if he doesn't fall asleep, let him cry as long as it takes until he figures it out. He says you have to put the baby to sleep almost BEFORE he is getting cranky-tired so it will be easier for him to fall asleep via his own calm drowsiness. I thought he made a lot of logical points, but I thought his potential hours of crying was a little too harsh for a four month old.

                                So I made a compromise.  

I thought, how about I do all the soothing, early sleep routine, and put him down to bed. If he doesn't fall asleep on his own to start off, I will set the timer on the first night for ten minutes, do a one minute comfort sesh, then repeat until he falls asleep. The next night I will do twenty-five minutes, one minute comfort, repeat. Do this until he figures it out. But after the first twenty-five minutes with him going strong, and after I comforted him and he still wasn't letting up, I decided to go cold turkey. It kind of hit me that maybe I was teasing him with coming in. I don't know if baby's minds think that way, but that's how I took it. I cranked up All Sons & Daughters on YouTube (trying to sing along instead of burst into tears) and had wine and chocolate for dinner to try and comfort my inner mama struggle.
       First three days were definitely the hardest. I don't think I would have gotten through them if I didn't have the supportive texts from my cousins Megan and Morgan. It still would take anywhere from thirty minutes to an hour to go to sleep, BUT the hourly night wakings almost ceased immediately. I took that as a really good sign, and even though the putting down to bed was a huge struggle, he was at last getting some real good nighttime sleep. I know he is such a determined little fellow, and what baby actually wants to go to bed when they can stay up and look at the amazing new world around them?! Instead of waking up every hour or two to feed throughout the night, he was only waking up two times to feed which I think at four months is very acceptable. A lot of internet posts were saying by four months they don't need night feedings, but I think that is foolish, if your child is hungry and needs to eat, let him eat!
      Let me show you the times I jotted down on Cedric's night wakings before and after the first week of sleep training:
BEFORE:

Put to bed @ 8	Co-slept
Woke @ 12	Nursed 5 minutes	Asleep @ 12:05
Woke @ 12:37	Nursed 32 minutes	Asleep @ 12:46
Woke @ 1:45	Nursed 9 minutes	Asleep @ 1:55
Woke @ 3:13	Nursed 10 minutes	Asleep @ 3:17
Woke @ 3:45	Nursed 5 minutes	Asleep @ 4:15
Woke @ 4:41	Nursed 3 minutes	Asleep @ 4:44
Woke @ 5:53	Was cooing... up for the day!

    Since he wouldn't sleep without me, I would have to get in bed with him and not have any free time after he was in bed.

• Asleep time: 9.6 hours
• Awake time: 1.2 hours
• Total # of awakenings: 7

AFTER:

Fell asleep @ 5:36	Slept in his crib
Woke @ 10:30	Briefly, fell asleep on his own	Asleep @ 10:40
Woke @ 12:30	Nursed 20 minutes	Asleep @ 12:50
Woke @ 4:50	Talking to himself
5:15-6	Nursed & cuddled in bed	Wanted up for the day

     I then got to stay up as long as I wanted afterwards which was the first real break I had had since his birth.

• Asleep time: 11 1/2ish hours
• Awake time: 25 minutes
• Total # of awakenings: 3

     As you can see, in just one week he had improved immensely! The one issue that kept bothering me was letting him cry for thirty minutes every night. It was not getting better, and that was REALLY frustrating me. I felt like it wasn't part of my mothering code to let my child have to cry unattended for thirty minutes every night. It was even more frustrating that some nights he would just fall right to sleep, so I KNEW he could do it, but some days he struggled so hard. So I made a new compromise where I would go in every ten minutes if even needed, pat him for thirty seconds, then leave for ten more minutes. I really felt that was doable for me personally. After a few weeks, it was really working and he finally went down to only five minutes tops fussing just because he was fighting sleep, but then would go right to sleep. Never screaming, just fussy noises. It was a miracle! 

 
       One thing both books actually make a strong agreement on was a bed time routine that is the same every night so that your child can know it is bedtime, and to keep the time around the same every night. My bedtime routine is really simple and is under ten minutes. I put Cedric in his night time cloth diaper, I do a little baby massage with coconut oil with lavender essential oil, put his pajamas on, then do his last feeding which puts him in a drowsy state.

   
      I am really content with my final solution on sleep training. In the end, I really wish I never let him cry-it-out for more then ten minutes at a time. Next time around, I will always do the ten minute increments. I think that really worked and Cedric seemed to grasp that. 

                                           Extra Side Notes:  

    I say that I'm still into sleep training, since naps and night feedings are still a work in progress. I conduct his naps very similar to how I lay him down for bed time, but change the time of comforting to five minutes apart. I will rock him while singing/humming a song, then place him down in his crib. Some days he amazes me and with a small protest whimper just closes his eyes and falls fast asleep. Other days he still fusses for ten plus minutes. (I try not to feel discouraged on those times) The issue I have with his naps is that they are cat naps. I'm lucky if they are forty-five minutes long; they usually end up being thirty-five on the dot. The Healthy Habit, Happy Baby book really emphasizes how a nap under an hour does not really even recharge a baby, so I really wish he would sleep longer naps. The problem is he wakes up cooing and happy, so I know he won't just go back to bed. Yet an hour after his nap he already starts getting crabby which shows he's not getting a decent nap. So if anyone has a recommendation for naps, by all means comment!

      I say night feedings need help too, since I know he only needs one feeding a night now that he is five months and has done that a few times. He still wakes up two times a night wanting comfort food.I have to revise this since writing this portion last week. The last four days have been a new accomplishment! He goes to bed at six, and sleeps until 3:30-4 for his ONE feeding, then sleeps in until 5:45-6. I am so pleased with him, and this is helping mama get some good sleep as well!

    

       So there you have it! That has been my whole last month's work. After the first two weeks, the stress aspect of it went away for me, and the motivation to help Cedric learn to sleep better just kicked in. When I look back at the crazy sleep wakings he was doing before training, I am so grateful with how things are progressing now. I will definitely update again by the end of this month on how he hopefully continues to improve. 

Was sleep a huge issue for your children? Did you sleep train? What was your technique? I'd love to hear what worked for your family!