Looking Back on 2015

Happy New Year!   
   It is ridiculously strange how one year can change your whole life around. Sitting here reminiscing on the year that just flew by, I feel almost like a completely new person. Started 2015 being five months pregnant and feeling my first kicks from my unknown boy or girl growing strong inside me. I was anxious and excited to be a mommy, and now I'm an "experienced" mother of a seven month old baby boy. There were so many questions and nervous unknowns cycling through my head when we started 2015.

• What would my natural labor be like?
• Am I having a boy or girl?
• What would being a new mother to a baby feel like? Come natural? How do you change a diaper? Will I get cloth diapering figured out?
• How am I going to juggle part-time work and being a mother? How were we going to be financially stable?
• How is Justin and my relationship going to change with a new family member? How will he react around a newborn? 

What would my natural labor be like? 
        After I found out I was pregnant, Justin and I needed to answer the first big question, go natural or use the beloved epidural. It is so hard to think naturally when everyone around you does the medicated version. The first pregnancy educational book we read quickly determined the necessity of going natural for us. The Nourishing Traditions Book of Baby and Child Care by Sally Fallon was the most informative book I read about pregnancy and labor procedures. Very detailed about prepping your body before even getting pregnant, ultrasounds and vitamin K shots, even to the first years after having your baby.
       You can only arm yourself so much with research and preparation work leading up to your labor. Every woman's body is going to have a unique take on labor. Read ten different labor stories, you will see ten different births. It's really all over the board. From excruciating pain to only minor cramps, going through three hours of first stage labor to it taking 24 hours, and from water breaking hours before starting labor to not breaking at all. I couldn't get out of my head the question of what my personal labor would be like; all I could do was go into it with a positive, determined attitude.
       That attitude and the help of my support team, my husband, best friend, and midwife, got me through an incredible labor that was the hardest thing I have physically done but also the most rewarding. If you want to read my whole labor story, you can start at  My Natural Labor Story: How it all Began. Looking back on it, I have come to the conclusion that if you are healthy and have no pregnancy complications, I believe know any determined, strong woman can do a healthy, natural labor. The extreme benefits of it on you and your baby is wholly worth the few hours of intense struggle.


Is it a boy or girl?

      I DESPISE the anticipation of surprises but I LOVE being surprised. Go figure... Justin was very adamant on waiting to know the sex until after I pushed our baby out. It was a struggle for me to not know what was growing inside me. I always pray for patience, so I think God always gives me chances to practice it. It did help that we had chosen not to do any ultrasounds (as of course we did more research on the procedure and realized if you are healthy and young, there is no reason to put more stress on your baby through ultrasounds).
      One of the hardest parts of waiting is that EVERYONE has an idea of what your baby has to be. It always brought me to laughter the predictions and each person's opinion counter-predicting the next. All it did was play mind games with me as my tummy grew and my body took on a new shape it had never seen before. I discovered after the fact the many benefits waiting had brought. First it was great to not have everyone at my baby shower give me gender specific baby clothes, but gratefully received the needed equipment for my first baby. Second, the huge desire to find out what my precious baby was helped with my motivation to not give up at the end of  labor. Third, the desire to have a baby girl, then a baby boy kept switching inside me. I had reasons to really want either as the first born. I kept changing my preferences. Right as my baby boy Cedric came out, I knew that he was what God knew I needed as my first born. Never had to second guess it as I snuggled with my beautiful and perfect newborn on my chest.

If you are up in the air on if you would try for a surprise, I recommend it. I will most likely

 leave it up to surprise for all my pregnancies.

What would being a new mother to a baby feel like? Come natural? How do you change a diaper? Will I get cloth diapering figured out?
       When I was prepared as best as I could for my labor, that nervousness dwindled. Afterwards I was shocked with a sudden angst to the postpartum time. I'd not had much practice with babies, I was the youngest in my family, and one of the youngest of my cousins. I'd babysat ten times at most, and changed a whopping one diaper. Yes, just one. I was glad that I had the opportunity to hold my nephew and watch him grow for the previous two years which did help some.

 But would I know how to take care of MY OWN baby?! Alone with my husband?!

      Yes, that first week was really tough. You are completely sleep-deprived and holding this tiny infant wondering why he is crying after you have put a clean diaper and fed him. I doubted my abilities from the start. This poor baby has to have ME for a mother, I know nothing! Thankfully I was living two houses down from my mom, and she was a lifesaver, encouraging me that I was doing fine and helping my drained, sleepless body cope. It is amazing how women really do have this natural nurturing feel. After getting through the first month (with grateful help from family and friends), I felt pretty good with figuring out the whole mom business.

Hey, hadn't dropped the kid yet! 

      The one thing that was weird is it took me a few months to really realize I AM a mother and have a SON. I must have been on robot-tired mode of getting through one day at a time with a baby attached to me. 

      Disposable diapers were a no-brainer (for the beginning). With a boy you just had to watch out for the times you get shot at while changing. I did have this huge fear of cloth diapers, so I went two whole months on disposables until I finally did it. I have one-size-fits-all cloth diapers, and with newborns, they are so tiny we really need to invest in a few newborn sizes for next time. Took a few trial and errors to get down no leaks and nighttime diaper differences, but when you figure it out, it's a no-brainer too! And the money you save! Cuts down the expensives of a baby extremely.

Phew, besides the dreaded no sleep, I knew I would be able to get this whole
 mothering under control!

 How am I going to juggle part-time work and being a mother? How were we going to be financially stable?
       This question was the one that kept tearing my insides apart as the days ticked closer to my due date. There was going to be no way I couldn't work, Justin had a part-time job and in the middle of studying for his master's degree. I never ever wanted to be a working mother. I feel God has strongly given me the desire to be a wife and mother as a career. Justin and I have talked over and over again how WE want to raise our children. Getting pregnant so early into our marriage, the possibility seemed obsolete.

       I kept hearing my mom whisper in my ear, "You are going to be so uncomfortable nursing and working, there is no way you will be able to do it". That didn't help my already desire to NOT work. I know she meant well, but if someone didn't help, it was useless to consider. Why must money be so significant in life at times?!

       Thank God for his plan in our lives that never cross our thoughts before. We had the opportunity to move into Justin's parents home, as we are in this limbo year of finishing up school. Yes, it is nothing we planned for, but it gave me the opportunity to stay with my newborn. Now the benefit of having Mimi (Cedric's paternal grandma) to help me with Cedric -- who NEVER wants to be alone -- has been extremely helpful. I have no idea or even want to consider how I would of taken care of him alone when Justin was at work.

      Financially stable? No, not really at all. That is still really hard to deal with, you never want to have to be helped financially when you're grown up. We try to focus on the benefits and gratitude of family help and continue to strive for our financial stability. I laugh how plans never turn out how you have thought, and luckily I am good at going with the flow and seeing where the journey of life takes my family and me.

How is Justin and my relationship going to change with a new family member? How will he react around a newborn?

      I think it's hilarious how some couples think that having a baby will strengthen their marriage. HA! Okay, that is semi-true, but holy smokes Batman! It REALLY puts a lot on a relationship.

Two words: sleep deprivation.

     If you have ever been extremely sleep deprived, you know it does not make you a happy camper. Justin and I are no exception. 

      I am grateful that we have built up a strong bond the last five years of dating, and really knew each other. So even though we were tired and grumpy, it was not going to affect our bond. We both had to team together to try and figure out  how to take care of this adorable, tiny newborn we had created. Justin was such a awesome husband as I was so tired and unable to do anything besides hold Cedric the first few weeks. He cooked me meals and made sure I was hydrated. I think it's hard for new fathers the first couple of months. I don't know if it's just Cedric, but all he wanted was his mother. So I was grateful that Justin helped with how he could, with meal preparations and cleaning.

      I knew Justin was great with kids, I mean, he works at Legoland, but he never has been around newborns either. It was one of my favorite moments when Justin held Cedric for the first time the night he was delivered. I knew it would be hard from the start, but that we were going to figure this parenting thing out. When Cedric hit four months, there was this complete change and Cedric couldn't stop staring at his Daddy. Ever since then they have had this adorable bond that makes my heart so happy.

      It's great to look back and laugh at how you wanted/thought the year was going to be like, and what God ACTUALLY had planned for you. It usually ends with thanking God for making his plan coming to fruition and not the idiotic dreams you thought were best.

Beginning and end of 2015

        As I now contemplate this year, 2016, my main focus is prayer. Even though we can look back on how God's plan is best, our human nature is to still want OUR plans and desires to happen. There is so much up in the air this year with Justin finishing his master's degree and figuring out his career job, that it could make us very stressed. So prayer and encouragement is what we aim for in the months to come!

Thank you Lord for having our life planned out already and for knowing what is best for our family.

    Questions for the New Year we still have:

• What will happen after Justin gets his Master's Degree this summer? Will he find a providing job? 
• Are we going to be financially stable to be on our own by the end of the year?
• Homesteading? Our huge desire, what will it look like for us this year? 
• How will Cedric be as he changes from a baby into a little toddler? 
• And the big one, am I going to be able to get through this year without getting pregnant again?! ;)

Do you ever ponder what was going on in your head at the beginning of the year? Or see how much growth or change in your life has occurred?

One Month into Sleep Training...

        If only babies were born with the instinct to fall asleep on their own. Why, God? My husband just tells me it's because we live in a fallen world... guess that's a point. Sleep training has been the most stressful event I have gone through as a mother so far. It has been just over a month since we started. Spoiler alert: it took a lot of effort, but he is doing really good and I am so proud of the improvement he has had. Now looking back at it, I (maybe) should have waited until his fifth month. I realize now that there's much growth in a baby's fourth month sleep regression is pretty common. So that just makes me all the more proud of my Cedric.

      I have done most of my research through two highly rated books and then scoured through mommy blogs as well. I wanted to grasp different aspects of sleep training and then combine to create a new method to apply to my dear unique Cedric. The books' takeaways are pretty much complete opposites, which makes me see how unique each baby can be, if different parents can give five star ratings to both. The two books I read were, No Cry Sleep Solution, by Elizabeth Pantley, and Healthy Habits, Happy Baby, by Marc Weissbluth, M.D. I really love how it says in the Healthy Habit, Happy Baby book, "Each baby is unique. They're like little snowflakes." I totally agree. That is why I have read BOTH these books and have come to a middle ground on how to approach Cedric's sleep training.
 
      In Pantley's book, she talks about how over a long period of time, if you put the baby down drowsy and pick up and comfort your baby briefly at every single cry, he will eventually learn to fall asleep on his own. You need to have a very regular routine, and you have to stick to this rigid routine for a few weeks up to a few months. This way, you are soothingly teaching your baby to sleep on their own but they never have to cry it out or feel distraught. I really love this idea, but knowing that I would have to endure more months of little sleep and a strict routine when the holidays are around the corner, I just got frustrated and nervous. I knew this wasn't possible with holiday parties and what not, so I was discouraged.
 
      But then my friend Jenna sent me Dr. Weissbluth's book. He intently goes over all aspects of sleep and discusses the need for long naps and a huge block of sleep at night to make a happy, calm, loving child. You need to have complete 'extinction' of the night wakings by soothing your baby to a calm state, and laying him down to sleep, BUT if he doesn't fall asleep, let him cry as long as it takes until he figures it out. He says you have to put the baby to sleep almost BEFORE he is getting cranky-tired so it will be easier for him to fall asleep via his own calm drowsiness. I thought he made a lot of logical points, but I thought his potential hours of crying was a little too harsh for a four month old.

                                So I made a compromise.  

I thought, how about I do all the soothing, early sleep routine, and put him down to bed. If he doesn't fall asleep on his own to start off, I will set the timer on the first night for ten minutes, do a one minute comfort sesh, then repeat until he falls asleep. The next night I will do twenty-five minutes, one minute comfort, repeat. Do this until he figures it out. But after the first twenty-five minutes with him going strong, and after I comforted him and he still wasn't letting up, I decided to go cold turkey. It kind of hit me that maybe I was teasing him with coming in. I don't know if baby's minds think that way, but that's how I took it. I cranked up All Sons & Daughters on YouTube (trying to sing along instead of burst into tears) and had wine and chocolate for dinner to try and comfort my inner mama struggle.
       First three days were definitely the hardest. I don't think I would have gotten through them if I didn't have the supportive texts from my cousins Megan and Morgan. It still would take anywhere from thirty minutes to an hour to go to sleep, BUT the hourly night wakings almost ceased immediately. I took that as a really good sign, and even though the putting down to bed was a huge struggle, he was at last getting some real good nighttime sleep. I know he is such a determined little fellow, and what baby actually wants to go to bed when they can stay up and look at the amazing new world around them?! Instead of waking up every hour or two to feed throughout the night, he was only waking up two times to feed which I think at four months is very acceptable. A lot of internet posts were saying by four months they don't need night feedings, but I think that is foolish, if your child is hungry and needs to eat, let him eat!
      Let me show you the times I jotted down on Cedric's night wakings before and after the first week of sleep training:
BEFORE:

Put to bed @ 8	Co-slept
Woke @ 12	Nursed 5 minutes	Asleep @ 12:05
Woke @ 12:37	Nursed 32 minutes	Asleep @ 12:46
Woke @ 1:45	Nursed 9 minutes	Asleep @ 1:55
Woke @ 3:13	Nursed 10 minutes	Asleep @ 3:17
Woke @ 3:45	Nursed 5 minutes	Asleep @ 4:15
Woke @ 4:41	Nursed 3 minutes	Asleep @ 4:44
Woke @ 5:53	Was cooing... up for the day!

    Since he wouldn't sleep without me, I would have to get in bed with him and not have any free time after he was in bed.

• Asleep time: 9.6 hours
• Awake time: 1.2 hours
• Total # of awakenings: 7

AFTER:

Fell asleep @ 5:36	Slept in his crib
Woke @ 10:30	Briefly, fell asleep on his own	Asleep @ 10:40
Woke @ 12:30	Nursed 20 minutes	Asleep @ 12:50
Woke @ 4:50	Talking to himself
5:15-6	Nursed & cuddled in bed	Wanted up for the day

     I then got to stay up as long as I wanted afterwards which was the first real break I had had since his birth.

• Asleep time: 11 1/2ish hours
• Awake time: 25 minutes
• Total # of awakenings: 3

     As you can see, in just one week he had improved immensely! The one issue that kept bothering me was letting him cry for thirty minutes every night. It was not getting better, and that was REALLY frustrating me. I felt like it wasn't part of my mothering code to let my child have to cry unattended for thirty minutes every night. It was even more frustrating that some nights he would just fall right to sleep, so I KNEW he could do it, but some days he struggled so hard. So I made a new compromise where I would go in every ten minutes if even needed, pat him for thirty seconds, then leave for ten more minutes. I really felt that was doable for me personally. After a few weeks, it was really working and he finally went down to only five minutes tops fussing just because he was fighting sleep, but then would go right to sleep. Never screaming, just fussy noises. It was a miracle! 

 
       One thing both books actually make a strong agreement on was a bed time routine that is the same every night so that your child can know it is bedtime, and to keep the time around the same every night. My bedtime routine is really simple and is under ten minutes. I put Cedric in his night time cloth diaper, I do a little baby massage with coconut oil with lavender essential oil, put his pajamas on, then do his last feeding which puts him in a drowsy state.

   
      I am really content with my final solution on sleep training. In the end, I really wish I never let him cry-it-out for more then ten minutes at a time. Next time around, I will always do the ten minute increments. I think that really worked and Cedric seemed to grasp that. 

                                           Extra Side Notes:  

    I say that I'm still into sleep training, since naps and night feedings are still a work in progress. I conduct his naps very similar to how I lay him down for bed time, but change the time of comforting to five minutes apart. I will rock him while singing/humming a song, then place him down in his crib. Some days he amazes me and with a small protest whimper just closes his eyes and falls fast asleep. Other days he still fusses for ten plus minutes. (I try not to feel discouraged on those times) The issue I have with his naps is that they are cat naps. I'm lucky if they are forty-five minutes long; they usually end up being thirty-five on the dot. The Healthy Habit, Happy Baby book really emphasizes how a nap under an hour does not really even recharge a baby, so I really wish he would sleep longer naps. The problem is he wakes up cooing and happy, so I know he won't just go back to bed. Yet an hour after his nap he already starts getting crabby which shows he's not getting a decent nap. So if anyone has a recommendation for naps, by all means comment!

      I say night feedings need help too, since I know he only needs one feeding a night now that he is five months and has done that a few times. He still wakes up two times a night wanting comfort food.I have to revise this since writing this portion last week. The last four days have been a new accomplishment! He goes to bed at six, and sleeps until 3:30-4 for his ONE feeding, then sleeps in until 5:45-6. I am so pleased with him, and this is helping mama get some good sleep as well!

    

       So there you have it! That has been my whole last month's work. After the first two weeks, the stress aspect of it went away for me, and the motivation to help Cedric learn to sleep better just kicked in. When I look back at the crazy sleep wakings he was doing before training, I am so grateful with how things are progressing now. I will definitely update again by the end of this month on how he hopefully continues to improve. 

Was sleep a huge issue for your children? Did you sleep train? What was your technique? I'd love to hear what worked for your family!

Oh Sleep, my good ol' friend where are you hiding?

       So I thought I'd start off with a huge praise report for this weeks actual blog post. About five days ago I started getting a horrible ear ache. I've never had an ear issue/infection ever. Then I took a moment to evaluate my routine of late.
       First, I have always prided myself on a high healthy immune system from how I eat, work out, and sleep. Oh wait! Sleep! My good ol' friend I've been missing for the last four months, that would lower my immune system. And secondly, I may have gotten a little over zealous with a few q-tip cleaning sessions...I will leave it at that.
      The doctor said I had a blister on my eardrum which would need antibiotics. My first reaction (since of course I do all my pre-look ups on the internet) was this can't happen. I'm breastfeeding, you can't be on antibiotics and nurse at the same time. He gave me the weekend to try topical drops. I usually don't stress out, but when I do they are quite significant.And this knew found knowledge brought upon the stress.

Atleast Cedric's grumpy tired face is cute.

      It didn't help that the combination of Cedric's not-so-great sleeping habits and my excruciating earache had me up four nights with little sleep. By halfway through the weekend, I was breaking down crying thinking there is no way I could NOT nurse Cedric for ten days. That would encompass him on formula (which is my worst nightmare), I would have to pump and dump all day/night for 10 days (which up to a few days ago I had never even touched that contraption), and would completely mess Cedric's already interesting sleep habits since I often nurse him back to sleep on his night
awakenings. => the total meltdown. 

You wouldn't of wanted to see my face...

      But AMEN to answered prayers! I had MANY people praying for me that whole weekend and as Monday arrived for my morning checkup, I already felt my ear healing and not hurting as much. The doctor said there was barely any blister left and I should have no more issues if I take the drops for a few more days! So thank the Lord!
  Speaking of sleep deprivation, it seems that Cedric is getting more accustomed to night wakings. Being a baby they do not know how to fall asleep on their own. Guess that means Mama Bree needs to get on the sleep training band wagon. With the help of talks with my cousin Megan (who has had many of the same issues as me) and researching on the internet, I discovered the No Cry Sleep Solution book by Elizabeth Pantley. I promised myself if I didn't have this big antibiotics fiasco, I'd start implementing it soon. I personally do not believe in the cry-it-out method, and after reading this book I have high hopes in 'curing' Cedric of these endless sleepless nights. Yes, the cry-it-out method is suppose to take two or three days and your kid is fixed, but if I am already getting little sleep, why not work with my kid in a more gentle way for a week or even month and solidify a healthy sleeping habit?

What Mama needs after no sleep!

If only this happened everyday...

      The basic way this is suppose to work is you put your baby down in his crib drowsy but not asleep.  If they start crying you pick them up nurse or rock until he calms down again and them repeat the process until baby is asleep. I am still finishing up the end of the book, but next blog I will discuss more about the routine and give a clearer understanding of what I am getting myself into. Maybe even encourage some of you to try it out with your kiddos! I have read many success stories, my cousin being one of them.
      Have you had any health incidents and discovered it was all from lack of sleep? Were you able to cure it with making time for sleep? Or do you have/had a baby that is like Cedric and doesn't understand the importance of sleep yet? I want to hear your stories! 

Until next time my friends! Have a marvelous rest of your week!