Making an Effort With Your Husband After Having a Baby

Justin and I had a talk. I ended up crying and saying I missed him. Its like we were with each other these last eight months, but I did not feel we were really with each other. It is so hard when you have to give, give, give to a baby, to be able to focus on anything else. In the back of my head I knew Justin already knew I loved him, hey, I had said my I Dos to him on our wedding day. I knew if I had to focus only on Cedric that was okay. The problem is not being able to really talk to each other without Cedric getting fussy or needing me to put my attention on him. That really started putting space between our day to day relationship. Does not help when you are tired and have no energy to really put effort in as well.

I love how my mother has always described marriage and family. Put your husband and your relationship before your kids, in doing so you will show them parents who are one flesh and who are truly in love and honoring each other. This puts security in the family, that kids will see their parent's bond and know that this family will last in the long run. I am hoping it will also install in them the same desire and respect for their future spouses as it did to my siblings and me. Of course by no means ignore your children! Definitely at this baby stage where they need continuous help and attention. It can make putting each other first extremely difficult.

 Ephesians 5:33  "Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband."

In order to help, we decided for a weekly date (even if it was only an hour and half long), we NEEDED this. Getting out for lunch or a coffee date, only the two of us, and just date each other. Flirt a little, talk about each others feelings or dreams of the future, and act silly and in love. This could also be a time to place aside the worries of everyday life and the necessities that need to get accomplished, and enjoy each other. Focus one on one. Make each other feel important.

Our first date was at our local farm-to-table Italian restaurant. Napizza, "green-certified, no chemicals or preservatives, local farmers and suppliers, local ingredients, highly digestible, in-house nutritionalist." 'Nuff said. As you may know I'm gluten-free, so I'm not usually one for pizza, but they make an amazing gluten-free pizza, and if your not gluten-free, they specialize in an easy to digest, 72-hour-rise pizza dough that's amazing. If you're ever in San Diego, there are three locations to choose from. Sorry for the tangent, but we are foodies, and its hard not to get so excited about really well prepared, delicious food.

We had met up at the location since Justin had been out of the house already. When I got to the restaurant, being the ridiculously cheesy couple we are, Justin stretched out his hand and pretended to meet me for our 'first date'.

Yes, I love our weirdness. 

It was so nice to eat our lunch snuggled next to each other not having to worry about making sure the baby was not falling out of the high chair and fed, and to just talk. It wasn't anything romantic or charming, but the company of the two of us was so needed. After lunch and finishing our CrossWord puzzle we used to always do together (I like Tuesdays since I can actually guess some answers), we walked hand and hand to get coffee (and tea for the hubs).

When we were dating, we loved going into home stores and walking down the isles envisioning what our decor would some day be for our own home. We walked into World Market and relived those moments. As many of my readers already know, we are in a limbo year staying at my in-law's house, so we don't have our own home. It was cute and dreamy going back to those dating days and looking at things we would love to decorate our own home in the hopeful near future.

As we both walked to our cars we said our "goodbyes" and that we should really have a second date (there goes the cheese again). I could tell Justin was feeling light-hearted. Our date, only two hours long, had been that refreshing thing our marriage had needed.

Another thing we promised in helping our relationship was doing more as a family of three.

Most of the time if I had Cedric, Justin was working on school or working out, then I would pass him off to Justin as I took a moment to sit and reboot by myself. 

We knew this was not how we planned to raise our family, being split up. As I had mentioned earlier, I want our kids to discover love and devotion from their parents. So we decided to take an evening family hike. 

After having the pizza I felt I needed a little more exercise. 

It was great to still be on our "date day" but having our loved little munchkin along for the ride too. And Cedric is always happy to be outside... with a stick in his hand.

I really encourage you, if you are new to parenting, or just haven't had the time to spend one-on-one time with your husband, make time. Period. No excuses. Your husband and your kids will thank you, and you will thank yourself! 

Have you noticed a difference in your relationship when kids came into the picture? How did you make it work for you and your spouse?