Monday, February 15, 2016

He's Growing Up So Fast

Confession time.
I am the mom who thought it was ridiculous that other moms teared up when their baby outgrew their newborn clothes, who reminisced over all the newborn firsts, dreaded their baby's first haircut, and never wanted their babies to mature.
I never knew much about taking care of a newborn/baby before researching and taking care of my own baby boy. It is crazy how much love and selflessness you feel as you hold your newborn for the first time and go through the "4th trimester". A lot comes naturally from the start, but a lot is also learned as new hurdles arrive with each stage of growth.

I've realized I'm not a huge baby person.
I know, that sounds terrible. I told you it was confession time. I am so excited for when Cedric can start walking, talking, and playing games with my husband and me. To really be able to interact with him will be so fun. To feel his reciprocal love with kisses and I Love Yous is when the tears will start coming to my eyes. It doesn't help that my husband is even more excited for getting past the baby stage. He will be such a remarkable Dad who will interact and support Cedric once he gets to talking and playing. I think it is hard for new dads to know what to do with a baby when a lot of the time they just cry for and need mama.

Okay, after confessing all that and sounding like a terrible mom, I have a NEW CONFESSION.
I am transforming into that weird-sentimental-crazy-emotional-mother. I am still extremely excited for Cedric's growth and maturation, but seeing how fast he has developed in these last eight months is a ridiculous wake up call!

Time really does fly by. 

 
Yes, the little man turned eight months on February 2nd. How is that possible that in a little more than four months my 7 pound newborn will be a year old?! (and definitely not 7 pounds anymore) I blinked and he is a toddler now, or at least he desires to be a little walking toddler.
Since the beginning I have really tried to grasp the whole "even if it's hard, cherish each and every moment of your baby's development,"and I do, but when you are so tired and the weeks continuously fly by, its hard to not start freaking out that time is flying by TOO drastically fast. 



I now find myself when he is peacefully napping (which is still a struggle some days) just staring at him and reminiscing about the many times in his '4th trimester' when he wouldn't fall asleep unless on me. I used to think that was so frustrating and time-consuming. Now looking at him sleep so peacefully all by himself, with his thumb, I have this crazy maternal desire to grab him up and convince him to nap on me.


Another time I feel this why is when I am breastfeeding. Cedric and I have always had a good, easy relationship with breastfeeding, which I am SO grateful for; I would almost call it an addiction of his. Justin and I did not want to introduce a pacifier, so naturally the nipple was his pacifier. I used to get SO upset, not necessarily towards him, but more of how tired I would become, every time Cedric would scream for the breast. Now (I don't know if it's from being a little more rested or what), on the nights he really cries multiple times for feedings, after I blink away the sleep exhaustion, I cannot help but stare and caress his head as he takes utmost comfort in gently sucking back to sleep. I can only explain it as magical, and makes me feel so needed and wanted.

Now, he is at this age where once exhausted, he gets extremely snuggly and close. He will whine for me to hold him close (his whines sound like 'mama's; how am I supposed to deny that?!) and he'll put his thumb in his mouth and rest his head on my chest.

I never knew of the indescribable amount of love I could feel from that little sign of 
needing me close.

It is a feeling I never want to cease; yet I know the near future will bring him wanting nothing to do with snuggles, but more of wrestling with Daddy and getting messy in mud. I know he will only grow to love me more, as he matures and can comprehend what love really means, but I know I won't always have the cuddles and close moments. And I will miss that.

Guess I am torn in between being stuck in this close, lovey stage of a world wrapped around mama and dreaming of the time when he will be able to say "I love you, Mama". I will stick with trying to get back to the recommendation; the here and now; the present moment. Let me soak in each second I have with my eight-month-old: the good moments and the struggles. Let me jot down the silly moments or the endearing ones, so that I can always cherish them, yet still be able to take the next day and appreciate the maturing little boy Cedric will develop into.

Hold him a little longer,
Rock him a little more.Tell him another story
(You've only told him four).
Let him sleep on your shoulder,
Rejoice in his happy smile.
He is only two and a half
For such a little while.
 Author: Unknown

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